So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
