I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
