i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I look better un-naked...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
