If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
