why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
