you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
