I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
