is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
