Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Swine flu. Run for my life!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize