i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
