You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
