You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
