There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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