We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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