I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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