It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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