ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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