Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
