Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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