and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize