Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
