Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
