It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
