i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize