Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Duck Duck Cougar?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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