You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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