i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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