i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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