I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
