she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
