Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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