OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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