I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
