In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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