I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
