I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
