I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
