i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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