I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I CAN MOONWALK!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
