Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
