If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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