No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
