I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
