I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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