Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize