I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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