I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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