You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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