good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize