People in love make me want to vomit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
