I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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