So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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