I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
