We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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