Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
