Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
