she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
