Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
