Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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