When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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