Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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