you traded sex for a burrito?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
