He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
