I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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