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I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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