sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts