i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.