My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.