Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard