we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...