When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros